Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Insomniatic Realization

            I can’t sleep. I can‘t stop thinking about Japan! As soon as I think one thing about Japan, my mind immediately goes into Japan overload and I start thinking about everything Japan related!
            I want to go back. That’s a definite. Of course, I wanted to go back the day I got back to the States in May. I knew I would go back, but when? My ideas for when to go didn’t seem at all as concrete as the last time I felt compelled to go. Every time I came up with a date, the idea would crash and burn harder than the Titanic vs. the iceberg. I got in contact with MTW about the possibility of me going for a month in July. I was told there wasn’t a need at that time. Hrm, okay, God was telling me no. That’s all right. Oh, but they asked if I’d be willing to stay for a longer period of time because of the need for teachers the next school year. I was kind of planning on studying Japanese next school year so… no? But then I started thinking about it.
            Why couldn’t I stay later? Was it crucial for me to study Japanese at that exact time? Wasn’t it silly to say, “No, I can’t come to Japan because I’m busy studying Japanese”? Why did I feel more inclined towards the idea of staying longer than I did for going for only a month? I was pretty set on only being there for a month, and then this request was made of me and I suddenly felt more confident to do that? Okay, God was definitely telling me something! But unlike the first time I went, I wasn’t sure with every ounce of my being that this was what God was calling me to do. Okie dokie, time to pray, Melanie! So I did.
            I’ve been praying about it, and although I don’t feel the same fiery, intense, I-know-beyond-a-shadow-of-a-doubt-that-this-is-what-I’m-being-called-to-do feeling behind going as I did last time, I really am starting to think that this may be what God is calling me to do.
            I became sure of this just a few minutes ago as I realized that God was showing me for the bazillionth time that it’s His timing - not mine - that matters! When am I going to lock that away and remember it forever? It’s so dang important!
            And so, while Melanie frolics about saying, “I’m going to Japan in July for a month and then I’m coming home to study some more, blah, blah, blah-“ God decided to roll up a newspaper, smack her across the nose (in the most loving way possible, of course) and say, “Oh, nu-uh girlfriend! You’re going to go next school year and teach!” To this Melanie responded with an articulate, “Wha-?” God nodded. Melanie looked puzzled, and proceeded to impress the masses with the beautiful use of the conjunction, “But!” God shook His head and finger and said, “Get the picture, girl! You may want to go in July for a month, but guess what? What I want and need is for you to go for the whole school year.” Melanie nodded slowly, still not grasping His words entirely.
            I’m finally starting to get it. “His will, not my wants.” I said this to myself about an hour ago, and it finally hit me. This is what He wants, and if it’s not, then it’s not going to happen – I’m sure of that.
            So I could use some prayer, because I’m going to be saying “yes” to working at CCSI next school year – and I can’t tell you how excited that makes me!
            I initially decided to write this as a journal entry to myself in an attempt to organize the thoughts running through my head, but as I kept writing, I realized this is stuff I want and need people to read so they can be praying for me. Would you mind doing so?
            I’ve already begun the application process, now it’s just a matter of letting the right people know that I really do feel like this is what God seems to be leading me to do.

“The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever.” – 1 John 2:17

“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” – James 1:5

No comments:

Post a Comment